Nothing’s what it seems

blue

“You think you know.. but you don’t.”

I’ve changed the title of my blog from “inside my mind” to “behind blue eyes.” Essentially the same concept, the latter I felt just had more depth. Depth is what I’m going for here. I know some posts have been pretty superficial, but I like to think that I am unique in the sense that there is more going on behind these blue eyes than one might think based upon first impressions. I don’t care what anyone says, looks play a big part in first impressions. I just want people to understand that, although I may come off as an airhead, or a bitch, or shy, or whatever it may be that people see when they look at me… underneath the layers there is an intelligent, sometimes critical, sometimes crazy mind at work. At times I’m not so great at expressing my thoughts verbally. I tend to become awkward and I feel like I’m being judged, so I don’t open up to much about my opinions and beliefs unless I’m very comfortable with the person(s) I’m talking too.. or if I feel it’s really necessary to state my opinion, which in most cases.. I just listen, and then I blog! :p jk.

The new title can be thought of as a metaphor in many cases. Ultimately, I wish for people to understand that sometimes there is pain behind these blue eyes, sometimes there is uncertainty, depressive thoughts, apathy… and sometimes there is pure joy, acceptance, hope, and happiness. The inner-workings of my mind have their ups and downs, just like anything else in this life. You can’t judge a book by it’s cover… just like you can’t read someone based on the shoes they’re wearing, or the smile on their face, or the color of their hair.. (although some people claim they can). The point is, you never know someone’s story until you really listen to what they have to say. Only then will you have even the slightest idea of what goes on in their mind.

Which brings me to another point- do you think it’s possible to ever truly, 100% know a person? I don’t. For anyone to say that they completely “know” someone is just nonsense in my eyes. I mean, I don’t even know myself… so how can I assume that I know exactly how another human’s mind works. Our thoughts are too complex to assume we can completely understand another person when we aren’t even sure about ourselves. Sure, their actions might be predictable, and you may have a good idea of their overall personality.. but.. people change. Change is inevitable. So just when you think you know someone, they’re usually off doing the unexpected. For example, I have a completely different mind set and belief system than I had just one year ago. However, I don’t typically open up and share these new found ideas and beliefs with people who are supposed to be close to me every time I learn something new. I am constantly learning new things, questioning myself, and changing my views in the process at this point in my life. Many of my loved ones have no clue what I’ve gone through to come to my current beliefs. I don’t even know what my best friend(s) would tell you if you were to ask them what I believe in. That’s kind of a scary thought.. because I feel my beliefs are what define me.. Then again, like I said I don’t really vocalize these thoughts that I consider very important because 1) they can be controversial and I really don’t care for conflict, 2) I believe what I believe and although I’m open to new perspectives, I don’t particularly like when people aren’t so open to mine and 3) I never know when it’s appropriate to talk about and I feel like people typically prefer to talk about other things. So I just keep my thoughts to myself.

Nevertheless, all I’m trying to say here is you never really know a person until you take the time to understand where they are coming from in terms of how their mind works and what they think about on a daily basis. One of the things I hoped this blog would achieve is a way for my loved ones to understand me better. There’s always a time and a place for deep conversations about life.. and sadly, that doesn’t happen as often as it should. These thoughts are important to me, and I think people should know about them one way or another. So… just keep in mind that nothing is what it appears to be on the surface, and there is always more to learn!

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